When Elisha’s father, Mohammed Arif, passed away unexpectedly in September 2024, her life changed forever. Overcome with grief, Elisha, together with her brother Jordan and their mother Kaye, leaned on one another for support.
Seeing her daughter face such a difficult and emotional time, Kaye, who had previously volunteered at Pendleside, reached out to the Hospice’s Family Support & Bereavement team for help.
At 21, Elisha Arif from Nelson, courageously opens up about her journey through grief and the loving bond she had with her dad.
“Losing him felt like losing a piece of myself.” Shared Elisha. “He was more than just my dad—he was my best friend, my biggest supporter. Pendleside Hospice has played a huge role in helping me navigate this overwhelming grief, and I’m grateful for the compassion they have given me.”
“My dad was always there, from the day I was born. He looked after me, and when he became ill, I looked after him. He’d often pick me up from college or take me to work, and we’d listen to music and have a good old sing-along in the car! He brought so much joy and laughter into my life. My dad also had an incredible sense of humour—he was never afraid to speak his mind! After he passed away, so many people reached out to share how much they loved his wit and playful personality.”
“My dad spent much of his career working as a mental health support worker, a role he was really passionate about. Unfortunately, in 2019, he suffered a fall, which left him with a broken back. He had to wear a brace and took early retirement as a result. It was heartbreaking to see him in pain, often bedridden, and struggling with his emotions. He never liked to open up about how he was feeling, but I could see the toll it was taking on him. Still, he remained strong. I’d visit him every day, and when he felt up to it, we’d go for short walks to the local shop—just to get some fresh air and a change of scenery. He missed his colleagues and the routine of work, but he was also very stubborn, and insisted he didn’t need any extra help.”
“The day I got the call about his passing is a moment I’ll never forget. It was so sudden. My dad had suffered a heart attack at just 67 years old. I kept hoping it was all a mistake, that someone would tell me he was still here. It took a long time to process that he was gone.”
“One of the last memories I have of my dad is one I will always cherish. A few days before he died, I made a curry and brought it over to his house. We ate together, just the two of us, while watching Come Dine with Me on TV. It was simple, but perfect. I’ll hold onto that memory forever. I still have all the text messages from him on my phone too. I quite often read through them, as it brings me some comfort.”
“Honouring his memory has become an important part of my life. Every Friday, my older brother Jordan, and I visit our dad’s grave. When my mum is off work, she comes along with us too. Jordan and I go to the mosque for prayers, and then we head to the cemetery to make dua, an act of supplication within our faith. We ask for dad’s forgiveness and ask that he’s at peace. It allows us to stay connected to him and keep his memory alive.”
“We’re also proud to be getting involved in Marsden Community College’s and Pendleside Hospice’s Iftar Event in March, where I will speak about my father and the incredible support I received from the Hospice.”
“It was my mum who encouraged me to visit Pendleside Hospice for bereavement support. At first, I wasn’t sure, but I knew I didn’t want to feel stuck in this feeling of grief forever. So, I decided to give it a try. From the very first session, I knew I had made the right choice. My Counsellor, Andrea, was so kind and understanding. Talking to her felt easy, like a safe space where I could share everything without fear of judgement. In some ways, it was a relief to open up to someone I didn’t know.”
“Andrea not only helped me process my emotions around grief but also supported me with personal challenges that had been weighing me down. She helped me overcome other stresses and anxieties, which allowed more room for me to open up about the loss of my dad.”
“One session that stands out was just before Christmas. We layered a glass jar with different coloured sand, each colour representing a special memory of my dad. Once the jar was full, I wrote a dedication to him on a tag and placed it on top. The jar now sits by my bed, and every time I look at it, I’m reminded of all those special memories. Bringing it home brought tears to my eyes, as well as my mum’s and Jordan’s.”
“Andrea also helped me find the confidence to move forward with my life. With her support, I was able to organise my timetable and return to university after some time away. As well as working two part-time jobs, I’m also studying Accounting & Finance at Manchester Met. It’s a lot of juggle, but it keeps me busy, and I’m glad to be getting back into a routine.”
“My dad was always proud of me. He believed in me and supported my ideas and choices. He just wanted me to be happy and to do my best, and I’ll carry that with me every day.”
“For anyone facing the loss of someone they love and wondering if bereavement support could help, I’d say give it a try. I never thought talking about my emotions would make much of a difference, but it really did. Pendleside Hospice helped me understand my grief and find ways to cope. I’ll always be grateful to them for guiding me through the hardest time of my life, and I hope others can find the same comfort and support that I did. Some days are still difficult, but having the love and support of my family and friends makes it that little bit easier to manage.”
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